03, Oct 2006 12:56
Good evening, Toastmasters. Writer Ambrose Bierce said, “Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.” I was not lucky to have the medicine of marriage to cure the love I had. Instead I took a stronger one called break-up with a side effect of heartbreak. Actually I didn’t take it voluntarily; it was a painful injection.
The injection happened almost two years ago. I was dumped by my girlfriend and ended a relationship of 7 years. Don’t feel sorry for me, staying with her for 7 years is already too long. Anyway, I just want to share my personal experience about how I got over it.
The first thing many people might do after break-up is to blame their selves. Was there anything I did wrong? Will it be better if I done something differently? These are really bad questions to ask. Blaming ourselves will destroy our self-confidence and make us even a worse person.
For some cases, it is possible to restore the relationship. But if the dumped one breaks down, then the chance will be slim. Therefore, try not to blame yourself and take this chance and this power to make you better and stronger. If you still love that person, he or she might be back. Even if they don’t, at least you will be more likely to be liked by others.
Other than blaming ourselves, some people might blame the one who dumped them. To me, this is also a bad move. In the worst scenario, this caused murder cases. People with hate cannot see things positively and will take even longer to get over it.
My suggestion is to talk about your sorrow and hatred. Dump those trashes to your close friends. If you don’t feel comfortable about this or you don’t have close friends, then just discuss it on the Internet.
I was pretty lucky that I had many close friends at that time. Well, I don’t if we are still close after dumping so much trash to them. Anyway, friendship is really important for people who are in bad moods. Since we are all in this lovely Toastmasters family, I believe that finding good friends won’t be an issue here. If you have anything to say, you can just come to me. I need more materials and inspirations for my next speech.
Most conversations with friends are meaningless; it was just killing your time and their patience. However, sometimes if you are lucky, you will get valuable advice that can totally change your mind. After telling my sad story, I got many stories that are much worse than mine in return. So that I knew that I am not the only poor guy and felt much better.
I even had a chance to talk with a monk. The words he gave me were so inspiring and I really want to share it with you. He said, go to your wardrobe and find a coat you didn’t wear for years. Take a good look at it and recall your feelings when you bought it. You liked it very much and wanted to wear it everyday. But now, it is still in good condition. However, you just don’t want it any more.
There are many possible reasons such as trend, the weather, or just because it is Red. But those reasons do not matter. If you can understand this kind of feeling, you will know why your love one didn’t want to be with you any more. With that understanding, you can forgive and keep going.
It was a cruel thing that you suffered, but think about that cute Teddy Bear who accompanied you for years when you were little, what have you done to Teddy? Look at my Teddy, I tried so hard to find it last night. His right eye is blind, color faded, in an old t-shirt, fortunately in a popular color.
I was so touched by those words. I felt confident again because I believe I am a good coat. Maybe not a fancy and trendy one, but definitely the one with long durability and keep people warm in a cold winter. And for my ex-girlfriend, maybe she just needs a shining colorful coat even it is made in China. Besides, you can also think it is because they get too fat and couldn’t fit it any more.
Another suggestion is to step out of your comfort zone and join activities or clubs, especially Toastmasters club. Getting new friends and taking challenging tasks can make you happy and progress. More importantly, as Gloria always said, it is also a good way to find a new lover. If you are looking for talented and attractive people, you are at the right place.
My stories and suggestions can goes on and on, but I am not going to test your patience and see if you are my close friends. Just remember, if you want to discuss about heartbreaks with me, feel free to do so any time. I can be more helpful when speak in Chinese and with free Starbucks coffee.
For people who hurt someone badly before, hope my speech can make you feel less guilty. It was not your fault, their lives might be miserable if they are still with you. You were just saving them.
And for members who didn’t dump or be dumped before. Now you know how lucky you are because you don’t need to go through this.
Last but not least, if you have similar experience like mine, hope my suggestions are helpful to you. Get over it and let’s go to Starbucks later.
Toastmaster of the evening.